New Dumb Blonde Jokes

DISNEYLAND
Two blondes were going to Disneyland . They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They
started crying and turned around and went home.

FLORIDA OR MOON
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away...
Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'

CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, 'What's the story?' He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'. She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'

RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I
get to the other side?' The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. 'Impossible!' says the
doctor.. 'Show me.' The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you? 'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.' 'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'

KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!' 'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'

BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!' The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!' The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. 'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'

IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!

A blonde calls AAA and says can they come to open her car because she locked the keys in it. AAA says they will be there in an hour. The blonde says, "oh please hurry, I think it's going to rain and I left my convertible top down."

The mailman comes Christmas eve and the blonde housewife shows up at the door in a negligee holding a plate of fresh baked cookies. She says, "come on in for your Christmas present." The mailman obliges and the two make passionate love. Afterwards as the are getting dressed the blonde hands the mailman $2.00. The mailman says, "well that was great, but what's the two bucks for?" The blonde replied "I asked my husband what we should get you for Christmas and he said 'screw'em, give him two bucks.' The cookies were my idea."

A man is mowing the lawn and his blonde wife comes out the door, walks to the mailbox, sees that it is empty, and slams it shut. A few minutes latter the wife walks out to the mailbox again, sees that it is empty, and slams it shut. This happens a few more times, then finally the man asks "why do you keep checking the mailbox?" The blonde replies "that damn computer, it keeps telling me 'you have mail' but every time I come out here there isn't any."

Another blonde locks her keys in the car and walks into a store desperately trying to borrow a coat hanger so that she can unlock it and get her blonde friend out.

A blonde goes to school to talk to her blonde daughters teacher. The young girl got an F on the spelling quiz. The blonde says to the teacher "are you completely stupid? Everybody knows that FARM is spelled E-I-E-I-O."

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead find a magic lantern with a Genie in it. The Genie grants each woman one wish. The brunette says "I wish I were sailing a magnificent yaght to Tahiti" and woosh, she disappears. The redhead says "I wish I owned a multimillion dollar fashion business in Hawaii" and whoosh, she disappears. The Genie asks the blonde "what is it you wish for my dear?" The blonde says "I wish I had my two friends back."