Steven Wright Humor

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.

I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking," but I don't have that much time.

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

What's another word for Thesaurus?